I don’t want the ball in my throat to swell any more.
I close my eyes when the news is on.
And tell myself
“I am no terrorist.
”I am confused because my Religion is not one of
hate and war
Yet
That is what I am seeing.
I lower my gaze every time I feel a stair.
My Hijjab is strangling me.
My shirts are shorter and my pants are tighter.
I want to belong.
I question my own voice.
Then I cry Because
I don’t want to question
My being.
I keep telling myself,Be strong, hold your head high
But...
..I...
...am....
......Slipping.....
I don’t want to be strong.
I am sick of answering stupid questions
With a Smile.
I want to just tell them Read a book.
“I am no terrorist”
But I am a ticking bomb.
Waiting for the next comment or snide remark.
I want to snap.
Choke them with the truth.
Force them to see.
“I am no terrorist.
”They called my brother a “sand nigger”
he was born here and his skin is beach sand.
“camle jokey”
I’ve never even rode one.
And I just keep telling myself
“I am no terrorist”
“I am no terrorist”
“I am no terrorist.”
"Other" I am a Muslim American woman on a mission. The media keeps asking for moderate Muslims...well here I am. I am a conservative Muslim and strong supporter of human rights
Khadija:
ReplyDeleteThroughout our more recent history (the last 100 yrs or so), most deeply religious and observant people, have felt as you do. They don't fit in.
You want to fit in with the culture and society you live in, and you want to be an observant Muslim woman, too. So you strike a middle ground and then you find you don't fit in anywhere.
What is more important to you? - That would be the question you need to answer for yourself. Either answer - fitting in to our secular society or being outwardly observant of your religious beliefs - is right, if it is what you choose to do.
I went to college with many Muslim women - all deeply religious, some wore hajib and some dressed like me. All of them felt they were good Muslims. Interestly, the western-dressing women felt the women in hajib were wrong to wear it and the women in hajib felt the western dressing women were wrong. But, that shouldn't be of any concern to you - you must do what you feel is right for you. Once you determine what that is, and you make that choice freely, then you have to live with the consequence. If you choose the hajib, then you know you must put up with stupid, intolerant people staring or making comments - but you know that is what will happen.
If you choose to go without the hajib, then you won't have the stares and comments but you could have internal conflicts about how you live your life as a Muslim woman.
You have chosen a hard road to go down at your young age. Wearing hajib to show solidarity with your muslim sisters is self-sacrificing, but it won't change anything for them or you. If I have learned one thing in my life, it is that people do not change much - so stupid, intolerant people will remain so.
It is your life - choose to be happy and fulfilled - however that looks to you.
Hijjab is for me and only me. i do not do it to be part of my muslim community although that comes with it. I take the stares as a possitive thing. I am always willing to answer questions with a smile. I wear hijjab because God asked me to. I fill no shame and any hardship I may have here I hope he will reward me for later.
ReplyDeleteThat is a good attitude to take. So, it does seem that you know your path and are happy with it. That makes me happy for you. Khadija, how did you get so mature so young? Seriously. I am so impressed.
ReplyDeleteTo any one has the same ideas, I say that without the religion Allah has chosen to all of the world we will not feel secure. From there Allah is telling women to ware hijab to protect them selves, to be closer to him, to raise the value of his creatures, to make others value those women......etc
ReplyDeleteFor everyone doesn't follow the religion that Allah has chosen for us, do you feel secure? Do you feel satisfied? Do you know why you are living this life? Do you value your self by protecting your beauty?
If you want to just make it wrong, believe me that you are lying to your self. If you are jealous of it, you can do the same and be that valuable one. If you are a hater, you are not gaining anything but hurting your self.
Hijab is our woman ID, and the Muslim man has his own responsibilities.
Obey Allah who created you to worship him because he loves you and knows what makes happy. Yes we are the happiest people in the world when we believe in him.